It’s interesting to me which human relationship God chose to address first and foremost in the Ten Commandments: the relationship between parents and their children.
He said, “Honor your father and your mother.”
And as Paul mentioned in Ephesians 6:2–3, it’s the first commandment that comes with a promise,
that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.
(Paul paraphrased a bit God’s repetition of this command in Deuteronomy 5:16.)
Why is this relationship so important in the eyes of God?
Because it shapes all of our other relationships as well.
A child’s first relationships are with his or her parents. If children relate well with their parents, there’s a good chance that they’ll relate well with the people around them.
A child learns how to honor other people, especially their elders, by honoring their parents.
If they don’t learn to honor their parents early in life, it becomes difficult for them to honor other people.
When I was working with elementary school and high school students here in Japan, I saw students with an utter lack of respect for their teachers.
The teacher would be talking, and the students would be talking in loud voices, totally ignoring the teacher.
Other students would sit in their own corner doing their own thing while the rest of the students did their schoolwork.
Why? Most obviously, they never learned to honor others.
Many of these kids probably come from dysfunctional families, where they never learned to honor their parents. And so they have no clue what it means to honor the people in authority in their lives.
But if they never learn that, it will cause problems as they try to live in society, dealing not only with teachers, but with other authority figures in society—bosses, the police, etc.
Our relationship with our parents also affects our other relationships too, including our marriage relationships.
One thing I desired in a marriage partner was a woman who honored her father.
Unfortunately, there are too many women who don’t respect or honor their fathers, and as a result, they have little respect for the husbands they marry.
I suppose the same goes with men who don’t know how to respect their mothers. If they don’t know how to honor their mothers, how in the world are they going to know how to honor their wives?
If you’re considering marrying someone, I recommend you take a close look at the relationships they have with their parents.
If they do not respect or honor their parents, it may be a big warning sign on how they may treat you.
I consider myself very fortunate to have found a woman who respects both her mother and father.
But our relationship with our parents also shapes our relationship with God.
How we relate with our parents, and especially with our fathers, can have a strong bearing on our relationship with God.
Children who do not honor their parents, who have never learned to trust their parents, to love them, or to obey them, often have problems doing so with God, who is our true Father.
But when children honor their parents, it bodes well for their future relationships with others, for their lives in society, and most of all for their relationship with God.
That’s why God could say that if you honor your parents, your life will go well, and you will enjoy a long life on this earth.
Do you honor your parents?
As children, honoring includes the idea of obedience. As long as you live under their house, you live under their rules.
But although you are no longer bound to obey them after you leave to start your own life, you are to honor them.
Respect their feelings. Respect their opinions.
You don’t have to always agree with them. But let them know that you value them as people—as your parents.
Maybe you have parents that you don’t feel are worthy of respect. They may not be.
But God did not say, “Honor your parents only if they are deserving of it.”
God just said, “Honor your parents.”
Part of that means praying for them. Praying that God would touch them and bring change to their lives.
But also praying that God would show you what things you need to do to honor them in your life.
Do you honor your parents in your life? And as a parent yourself, are you teaching your children to honor you?
Are you a parent who is easy to honor and respect?
If we honor our parents and teach our children to honor us, we and our children will find the life that God desires for us to have here on this earth.
Moment to Moment (Bible blog) 