Respecting boundaries

Everyone has boundaries.  These are things that people will allow and will not allow in their relationships.

It may be certain actions.  It may be certain words.

But whatever they may be, if we want to maintain healthy relationships, we need to respect those boundaries.

I remember one time getting a nasty e-mail from one of my friends because of something I had written.

I had written her an email and wrote something that I had meant to be a joke.  But in doing so, I crossed a boundary and hurt her feelings.

And she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to allow me to do that again.

So I had a choice.

I could respect those boundaries and keep the relationship.

Or I could ignore them and destroy our relationship entirely.

To me, there really was no choice at all.  I made things right with her and I was very careful about the things I said or wrote to her from that time onward.

Moses and the people of Israel faced a boundary when facing the Edomites.

They were somewhat related.  The Israelites of course, came from the lineage of Jacob.  The Edomites came from the lineage of Jacob’s brother Esau.

And now the Israelites wanted to pass through the land of Edom.

But the king of Edom said no.

The Israelites tried to be reasonable.

“We won’t go through any of your fields or vineyards and take any of your food.  We’ll pay for any water that we may need as we go through.”

But the kind of Edom still said no, and in fact they came out in force to make sure that the Israelites didn’t cross their territory.

And so the Israelites went around instead.

In Deuteronomy 2:4-8, you find that God gave them specific orders to respect their borders.  And so the Israelites did.  They respected the boundaries that Edom had set up for itself.

How about you?  Do you respect the boundaries of the people around you?

When a person tells you “no,” do you still try to force yourselves upon them anyway?

It may be things that you say.  They say to you, “I don’t like hearing things like that.  Don’t say those kinds of things.”

It may be things that you do.  They say to you, “I hate it when you do that to me.  Please stop it.”

To respect their boundaries is to respect their feelings and say “Okay.  I value you enough that I won’t do those things anymore.”

And by doing that, we can keep our relationships healthy and strong.

But if we ignore people’s feelings, if instead we violate those boundaries time and again, then we damage our relationships, and in many cases, even destroy them.

Many friendships, many marriages end when people don’t respect each other’s boundaries.

What, if any boundaries, have you violated in your relationships?

God says that if we know that someone has something against us, we are to go to them and make it right.  (Matthew 5:23-24)

In other words, do your best to repair the boundaries that you’ve damaged.

And let us be sensitive to the feelings of the people around us, protecting those boundaries from being knocked down again.