When people we love are wrong

“I’m just no good at confrontations,” replied George McFly when asked by Marty why he wouldn’t stand up to Biff, in the movie Back to the Future.

We kind of laugh at that line, but for many of us, including me, we can identify it.  Confrontations are uncomfortable, especially when they’re with people we love.

And that’s the problem Jonathan faced with his father Saul.  Saul had told Jonathan to kill David, who just happened to be Jonathan’s best friend.

What do we do when someone we love are wrong?

Sometimes, we ignore what they do hoping it somehow it gets better, that somehow they’ll just change without our confronting them.

Sometimes, we just avoid them and refuse to associate with them.  “I don’t want to deal with them,” we say.  “Just let them do whatever they want.”

Other times we hold it in, and then when we reach our breaking point, we explode at them.

But all of these reactions are wrong.  What did Jonathan do?  He went to his father and confronted him.  The Bible says,

Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly.

He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The LORD won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad.

Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?” (1 Samuel 19:4-5)

Jonathan confronted his father, but did it respectfully, trying to reason with his father in gentleness.

And that’s what we need to do, whether it’s with our parents, children, friends, coworkers, bosses, or whoever it may be.

Of course as parents, sometimes we need to take firmer steps in discipline when dealing with our children, but even then, we need to be careful that we deal with them not in anger, but in love.

As Paul wrote, we need to speak the truth to people.  We cannot shirk from that responsibility.  But we also need to do it in love (Ephesians 4:15).  And that’s what Jonathan did.

It should be pointed out, however, that once we’ve told the truth, we cannot force people to follow it.

Again, as parents, we have more power in that respect and we should exercise it, but in most other cases, we don’t.  People have to make their own decisions.

Saul for a time heeded his son’s words, but soon started trying to kill David again, forcing him to flee.

At that point, all we can do is pray for the person that God, who can change the heart, will work in them.

And if that person’s actions are injurious to yourself or others, then you need to do what you can to protect yourself and the people who are threatened.

That’s what Jonathan would ultimately do, warning David to stay away from his father, and keeping David safe.

But what we can’t do is let the truth go unspoken.  Speak the truth.  Do it in love.  Do it with respect.  But tell the truth.