Delighting in your wife (and husband)

This is one of several long passages warning against adultery in the book of Proverbs.

In this world, people have lost sight of what marriage is about, and largely because of that, what sex is all about.

Marriage is about two people learning to delight in each other to the point that they become one. Not just sexually, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

And when two people can achieve that true oneness, there is no other human relationship like it in the world. You have two people that know each other in every way, and yet totally accept one another.

I read a shirt recently (one of the few in Japan that actually made any sense), and it said that “Love is blind.”

I don’t believe that is true. True love sees everything, and loves anyway. It sees everything, and still takes delight in the other person.

And when husband and wife have that kind of relationship, there is an exhilaration in knowing you are completely loved and accepted.

You aren’t constantly being judged, or compared to others. You are accepted for who you are.

Not only that, despite all your failures and weaknesses, you know that your partner delights in you and in being with you.

But what is an adulterous woman or man like? There can be no such relationship.

If you know they were unfaithful to their partner in sleeping with you, there’s got to be at least a seed of suspicion that they could be unfaithful to you.

If they are comparing their partner unfavorably to you, what will happen when they find another lover and start comparing them to you?

Even the adulterous person has no idea where their “love” will take them because they’re just unthinkingly going wherever it leads them. And they have no idea just how warped the path they’re taking is.

As Solomon wrote,

She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. (Proverbs 5:6)

As a result, you can never have any kind of long-term relationship with an adulterous person.

It may start out “delightful,” but always ends leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

Solomon put it this way,

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave. (Proverbs 5:3–5)

Following the way of adultery can lead to eternal death apart from Christ.

Solomon warns us at the end of the chapter that God is watching us and that he will judge us for our sin, namely (in this passage), for adultery.

But adultery can even lead to physical death. At the hands of a jealous husband or wife. Or as a result of AIDS or other STDs.

Even if it doesn’t go that far, how many people have been ruined financially because of adultery and the divorce that resulted?

And how many people have gone to that other woman or man, only to find that that person only sought to use them for their body or for their wealth?

So Solomon tells us,

Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?

Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love. (Proverbs 5:15–19)

In other words, don’t spend all your time and energy (sexual or otherwise) on relationships that can have no happy end.

Instead, delight in your wife. Delight in your husband. Be captivated by their love. Learn to love them as God does. And learn to be loved by them as God loves you.

That’s the only way you can find true marital and sexual satisfaction.