Blessing your husband

I don’t write many things addressing wives very often.  Most admonitions I write concerning married couples, at least up until this point, have been directed primarily at men. 

One key reason for this is that God seems to put more responsibility for the health of the marriage upon the man than the woman.  You see this time and again throughout scripture.

But in these passages, we see some things directed at the wives.

Solomon writes,

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.  (Proverbs 18:22)

I have been married for 8 years and I can say this is true.  I have definitely found something good, and I have been blessed so much because of my wife.

But there are things that wives do that can change them from being someone who is a blessing to their husband to someone who is a curse to their husband.

Solomon notes one of them saying,

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.  (Proverbs 19:13)

And again,

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.  (Proverbs 21:9)

If that isn’t clear enough,

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.  (21:19)

Men are by no means perfect.  And it can be very easy for us to do things that annoy our wives.  I know I sometimes (hopefully, not often) annoy my wife. 

But the way to deal with our faults is not to pick at our faults like a scab. 

I know that’s a nasty picture but the next time you think about nagging your husband, put that picture into your mind, because that is exactly what you’re doing.

Am I saying that if your husband does something to annoy you that you should ignore it completely.  No.  Tell him about it once.  If nothing changes, tell him about it twice. 

If after that, he changes, great.  But if he doesn’t, stop talking about it.  Leave the change up to God.  Pray for him.

You cannot change your husband.  Only God can.

Or maybe I should say, it may be possible to change your husband through your nagging, but it will come at the expense of resentment and anger from your husband, spoken or not.

Only God can change your husband while preserving true peace in your marriage.

Solomon writes,

A man’s (and a woman’s) wisdom gives him (her) patience; it is to his (her) glory to overlook an offense.  (Proverbs 19:11)

But husbands, I’m not letting you off the hook for this one.  Particularly because God never lets me off. 

I’ll tell you the same thing he tells me (and I’ve mentioned this before):  Listen to your wife.

You may think her complaints are trivial.  But if they truly are trivial, then it should be no problem for you to change.  And when you do it, you become a blessing to your wife.

But back to you wives.  God desires that you be a blessing to your husband.  But you can’t do that if you are constantly picking at those scabs. 

If you do, what you’re left with is open wounds that only make your husband feel like attacking.

So don’t nag, pray.  And you’ll be amazed not only in what God can do to change your husband and his attitudes, but in what he can do to change you and your attitudes as well.