Tag: husbands

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1 Peter

Living as servants of God (Part 3)

Wedding rings

From the very beginning of this letter, we’ve seen that we were chosen by the Father and sanctified by the Spirit for obedience to Jesus Christ.

In short, we were chosen not to live for ourselves, but for Jesus Christ.

And in this passage we see how this extends to the family and how we relate to each other in marriage.

Peter tells the wives,

In the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

That’s not a popular message among many women today.

Some try to completely tie this message to the culture of the day and say its not relevant for marriages today. And certainly, husbands in Peter’s day had far more authority in the home than we see today.

But throughout Paul’s letters as well in Ephesians and Colossians, you see this same message given to wives. There’s no getting around it.

But the main question again is why? Why submit to your husband? Because you are first and foremost a servant of Christ. And he has told you to do so.

More, by doing so, you become a light to your husband.

He sees not a woman that lives merely for herself, but one that lives for her Lord. One whose beauty is not simply in her jewelry, clothing, or hairstyle, but whose beauty is rooted in a transformed heart. A heart that reflects the Lord who saved her.

And when he sees that, not only will he become more attracted to you, he will often times become more attracted to your Lord as well. Isn’t that our job as servants and ambassadors of Christ?

Sometimes women fear they will be taken advantage of if they submit to their husbands. Unfortunately, some will be. But Peter encourages you to be like Sarah, and do what is right, submitting to your husband and not give way to fear. (6)

And God will honor you for that.

As I mentioned yesterday, this does not mean submitting to physical abuse. If that’s happening, get out of there. Protect yourself.

But through it all, maintain the attitude of Christ who, “when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” (2:23)

Husbands, on the other hand, you too are servants of Christ. Your wife, however, is not your servant. She is Christ’s. And in Christ, she is a sister and fellow heir. So Peter says,

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (7)

Your wife may be physically weaker than you; she may, by your estimation, be more emotionally fragile.

But that does not give you any right to impose your will on her as a common bully would. You are to treat her with respect because Christ treats her with respect.

And as much as you have received the gracious gift of life, so has she. If you ever forget that, God will hold you accountable for it.

Peter says God will not even hear your prayers if you treat your wife wrongly.

In short, remember that in marriage, you and your spouse are both servants of Christ. And that should show in how you treat each other.

How do you treat your spouse?

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Colossians

Living as Christ’s representatives: What does it mean?

Representative of Christ

I love the way the NLT translates verse 17.

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:17)

Whenever we do something in the “name of someone,” we do act as their representative, but I had never seen that verse in that light before. And it seems to flow over into the following verses.

Wives, as representatives of Christ to your husband, respect your husband and submit to his leadership in your home. (3:18)

Husbands, as representatives of Christ, love your wife, and don’t be harsh with them. (3:19)

Children, as representatives of Christ, obey your parents. (3:20)

Fathers, as representatives of Christ, don’t embitter your children, lest they become discouraged. (3:21)

Slaves, as representatives of Christ, obey your masters in everything and not just when they’re looking, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord. (3:22-25)

(We, of course, don’t have slaves nowadays, but we could equally say these things of any working person.)

Masters, as representatives of Christ, treat your slaves (or in our day, employees) fairly because you know you have a Master in heaven. (4:1)

In other words, in all our relationships, remember who you’re representing. You’re representing Jesus Christ. To your husband, to your wife, to your parents, to your children, to your boss, and to your employees.

When you disrespect your husband as head of the family, what kind of representative are you being?

When you treat your wife harshly, what kind of representative are you being?

When you disobey your parents, what kind of representative are you being?

When you embitter your children, what kind of representative are you being?

When you work half-heartedly, what kind of representative are you being?

When you treat your employees unfairly, what kind of representative are you being?

In all your relationships, with friends, neighbors, coworkers, brothers and sisters in Christ, what kind of representative of Jesus Christ are you being?

Can others see him in you? Or do they only see you?

What kind of representative of Christ are you?

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Ephesians

Unity in marriage (part 2)

Happy couple

The very interesting thing we find in this passage is that marriage is meant to be a picture of our relationship with Christ. In what way?

Paul says,

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:25-32)

What did Christ do for the church? He left his home in heaven to join himself with us. More, he gave himself for us, dying on the cross.

And to this day, he cares for us, taking care of our physical and spiritual needs, and nurturing us with his love.

Why? Because he loves us as if we were part of himself. And in fact, in Jesus’ eyes, we are part of himself.

And that’s what a husband is supposed to do. He leaves his home and his parents behind to unite himself with his wife.

He gives himself up for her, laying down his life for her, caring for her, providing for her both physically and spiritually, and nurturing her with his love.

Why? Because he loves her as if she were a part of himself. In fact, in God’s eyes, she is a part of her husband.

The husband is in many ways to be a picture of Christ to his wife. The wife, in turn, honors her husband and follows his leadership, just as she honors Christ and follows his leadership.

For us husbands then, one question we need to ask ourselves is how much are we reflecting Christ to our wives? Do we treat our wives as if they were truly part of us? Or do we treat them as something less?

Christ certainly doesn’t treat the church as something less. How then can we treat our wives as something less?

And for you wives, one question you need to ask yourselves is, “How much am I submitting to Christ?”

Because if you have trouble submitting to Christ, you will have even greater trouble submitting to your husbands.

Paul thus concludes,

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

How about your marriage? How much is it a reflection of the relationship Christ has with his church?

Categories
Proverbs

Blessing your husband

I don’t write many things addressing wives very often.  Most admonitions I write concerning married couples, at least up until this point, have been directed primarily at men. 

One key reason for this is that God seems to put more responsibility for the health of the marriage upon the man than the woman.  You see this time and again throughout scripture.

But in these passages, we see some things directed at the wives.

Solomon writes,

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.  (Proverbs 18:22)

I have been married for 8 years and I can say this is true.  I have definitely found something good, and I have been blessed so much because of my wife.

But there are things that wives do that can change them from being someone who is a blessing to their husband to someone who is a curse to their husband.

Solomon notes one of them saying,

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.  (Proverbs 19:13)

And again,

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.  (Proverbs 21:9)

If that isn’t clear enough,

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.  (21:19)

Men are by no means perfect.  And it can be very easy for us to do things that annoy our wives.  I know I sometimes (hopefully, not often) annoy my wife. 

But the way to deal with our faults is not to pick at our faults like a scab. 

I know that’s a nasty picture but the next time you think about nagging your husband, put that picture into your mind, because that is exactly what you’re doing.

Am I saying that if your husband does something to annoy you that you should ignore it completely.  No.  Tell him about it once.  If nothing changes, tell him about it twice. 

If after that, he changes, great.  But if he doesn’t, stop talking about it.  Leave the change up to God.  Pray for him.

You cannot change your husband.  Only God can.

Or maybe I should say, it may be possible to change your husband through your nagging, but it will come at the expense of resentment and anger from your husband, spoken or not.

Only God can change your husband while preserving true peace in your marriage.

Solomon writes,

A man’s (and a woman’s) wisdom gives him (her) patience; it is to his (her) glory to overlook an offense.  (Proverbs 19:11)

But husbands, I’m not letting you off the hook for this one.  Particularly because God never lets me off. 

I’ll tell you the same thing he tells me (and I’ve mentioned this before):  Listen to your wife.

You may think her complaints are trivial.  But if they truly are trivial, then it should be no problem for you to change.  And when you do it, you become a blessing to your wife.

But back to you wives.  God desires that you be a blessing to your husband.  But you can’t do that if you are constantly picking at those scabs. 

If you do, what you’re left with is open wounds that only make your husband feel like attacking.

So don’t nag, pray.  And you’ll be amazed not only in what God can do to change your husband and his attitudes, but in what he can do to change you and your attitudes as well.

Categories
Psalms

When we put God first

Psalms

So many of us seek happiness in our lives.  We seek it in our families, we seek it in our jobs, and we seek it in financial security.

But in this psalm, we see the key to true happiness.  The psalmist writes,

Blessed are all who fear the LORD,
who walk in his ways.

You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.

Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD.  (Psalm 128:1-4)

In other words, when we honor God first in our lives, and we choose to do things his way, he will bless us.

So many people are so worried about their finances, that they work to the neglect of their families and their health.

The result:  they don’t “eat the fruit of their labor.”  They die before their time, or lose their families in their attempt to find financial security.

But for the person who honors God, he promises to not only bless their finances, but their families as well.

When husbands love their wives as God commanded, and fathers raise their children in the way the Lord has told them to, then their wives and children will flourish.

Needless to say, this goes for wives as they honor their husbands, and children as they obey and honor their parents.  They’ll find God’s blessing as they do so.

But I think it’s important to note that most, if not all of the commands concerning the family go to the husbands and fathers first and then to the wives and children.

So men, let us step up to the plate and follow God, doing the things he’s commanded us.  And see if God won’t do as he has promised.

Categories
Esther

Honoring your wife

Xerxes waiting for Vashti

We are now hitting the book of Esther.

I must admit it took me by surprise that assuming, as many people do, that the Xerxes mentioned in Esther is Xerxes I, that these events happened during the time of Ezra.

Somehow, I always thought it happened well after Ezra and Nehemiah.

I will say here, however, that there is some disagreement on whether it was Xerxes I or not.  Some believe he was Artaxerxes I and some believe he is Artaxerxes II.

For the purposes of this blog, I’ll go with the traditional view that it was Xerxes I.

In this passage, we see the background to Esther’s rise as queen.

Xerxes was holding a great banquet for all of his nobles and officials.  It seems that during this feast, he was attempting to impress all of these people with his wealth and power.

But in doing so, he chose to call his queen to the banquet in order to basically parade her beauty in front of them all.  But to his humiliation, she refused to come.

When he asked his advisors to advise him on what to do, they said,

Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes.

For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’

This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way.  There will be no end of disrespect and discord. (Esther 1:16-18)

They then counseled him to permanently banish her from his presence in order that,

 all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest. (20)

Xerxes agreed, issuing the proclamation while adding that,

 “Every man should be ruler over his own household.” (22)

What do we get from all this?

So many husbands are like Xerxes, who treat their wives not as people, but as things.  Despite this, they demand respect from their wives, some even quoting scripture while doing so.

But while God does indeed command that wives respect their husbands, it would be much better for husbands to worry about how they’re treating their wives than how their wives are treating them.

If husbands were the kind of leaders that Jesus was, and as God has commanded us to be (Ephesians 5:25-28), do you think they would have much of a problem getting respect from their wives?

If you treat your wife not as an object, but as a person that you value highly, if you sacrifice your own needs to meet hers, if you love her as Christ does, how do you think she’ll respond?

So many people are caught in a downward spiral in their marriages.

The husbands don’t love their wives, so they don’t respect their husbands.

The husbands don’t feel respected, so they show less love.

The wives feel less love, so they show less respect.

And the cycle goes down in an endless spiral all the way to divorce.

May I suggest husbands, if you’re reading this, that as the leader in the household, God calls on you to be the one that stops that spiral downward?

That instead of showing less love because you feel no respect, you should start showing more love?

I would bet that if you start to do so, your wife will start showing you more respect.

It may take time, however, as there are probably years of wounds that have to be healed.

She’ll be wondering, “How long will this last?  Is it just a phase?  I’ve been hurt so often by him.  Can I really trust him?”

Husbands, keep at it.  Win her trust once again.

It’ll probably have to start with setting aside your pride and apologizing to her.

Tell her, “I haven’t been loving you as I should.  Will you forgive me?”

And ask for God’s help in the process.

Wives, if you are reading this, then maybe God is calling you to stop the downward spiral.

It’s not easy.  We men can be pig-headed and hard-hearted.  But pray for us.

And ask God to help you find at least one thing, however small, that you can respect him for.  Then voice that respect to your husband.

You may be amazed at how such a little thing can make such a big difference.