Tag: sex

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1 Thessalonians

To be sexually pure

sexual purity

We live in a world much like the times of the New Testament, a world in which sexual impurity is rampant. We see it in TV shows, movies, commercials, the internet; wherever you look, it’s there.

But in buying into the times, we take a cheap imitation of what God intended for us. Instead of lasting relationships where two people truly become one, we take temporary thrills which ultimately leave us broken and empty.

The numbers of people that have been devastated by sexual sin are innumerable. We see divorce, children without fathers (or mothers), unwanted pregnancies and abortions, STDs, and people torn emotionally apart because of it.

In short, we are far from the whole people that God intends us to be.

And so Paul tells the Thessalonians and us,

Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 

For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.

The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. (1 Thessalonians 4:1-6)

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified.”

What does that mean? It means that we are to be set apart for him. To be his temple that he can dwell in. Paul says in 1 Corinthians that our bodies are his temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19)

But in order for our bodies to be set apart for him, we need to be sexually pure. For when we sin sexually, Paul tells us that we sin against our own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

Put another way, when we sin sexually, we defile the very temple of God.

So right after Paul tells us that it’s God’s will we be sanctified, he adds, “that you should avoid sexually immorality.” That means any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage.

Paul tells us that we are not mere animals that simply give into their “instincts.”

Nor are we like those who don’t know God and his will. God has revealed himself and his will to us. And he has given us the ability to make choices.

More, he will hold us responsible for those choices.

When we sin sexually, we wrong the brother or sister that we sleep with.

Not only that, if they are married, we wrong the one they are married to. And if we are married, we wrong the one that we are married to. Paul says we will be judged for that.

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. (1 Thessalonians 4:7)

Just as God called the Israelites from all the nations to be a holy people, he calls us to be holy as well. The question is, are you?

Paul is very strong about sexual purity, saying,

He who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (8)

In other words, Paul is saying, “I’m not just giving you my opinions. This is what God is saying. And if you reject what I’m saying, you’re rejecting God.”

Are you rejecting God by the way that you’re living? By violating a gift that he has given to bind two people in marriage?

Remember Paul’s words when he says,

You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

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1 Corinthians

Sex in marriage

1 Corinthians

The need for sex is a very strong one. I think one reason God created us that way was so that people would come together in marriage and have children together.

And yet, as I mentioned yesterday, there are special parameters God has given concerning sex. It is only to be enjoyed between husband and wife.

Particularly in Japan, however, it seems that “sexless marriages” are on the rise. Numerous articles have actually been written on the subject.

Corinth was also having its issues concerning marriage and sex, and so they wrote Paul about what they should do.

In answer, Paul wrote,

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” (1 Corinthians 7:1)

Apparently, this is what some Christians were saying.

On one hand you had some people involved in sexual sin (chapter 5).

But here we see people going to the opposite extreme, saying that it was good not to have sex at all.

And in the Christian context, in which sex is restricted to married couples, the idea was that it was good not to get married.

But while Paul does say that singleness can be a good thing (1 Corinthians 7:7-8, 32-35), he told the Corinthians,

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)

Paul recognizes here that because the sexual urge in people is so strong, it can lead to sin unless they find a way to fulfill that urge.

And again, one main reason God gave us that urge was so that two people would come together in marriage, become one, and have children.

It is, in fact, a picture of our relationship with God. That we are joined with Christ, with he as the groom, and we as his bride, and in that joining we give birth to righteousness in our lives, the fruit of our love for him.

But anyway, Paul says when you get married, feel free to enjoy a life of sex with your spouse.

More, he encourages couples to make it a regular part of their lives.

He writes,

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

There are some key principles of marriage that we need to remember here. Namely, that when we get married, we no longer belong to ourselves alone. We belong to each other.

And so Paul says don’t deprive each other sexually except for short times so that you might devote yourselves to prayer.

And even then, that decision should be made mutually.

But then he says, be sure to come together again. Why?

Because if you don’t Satan will swoop in with sexual temptation. This is especially true with men, but also true with the women.

How many marriages are damaged because couples don’t follow the Lord’s instructions.

Instead, husbands and wives find their sexual fulfillment outside of marriage, ultimately destroying their marriage, not only causing pain to themselves, but to their children as well.

Let us not do that. Let us find satisfaction and joy in our own husbands and wives and never seek to find it anywhere else.

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Song of Solomon

Making time to be with your spouse

Song of Solomon

In this passage, we see Solomon and his wife spending time together.

In chapter 7, verses 1-10, we see Solomon expressing his delight in his wife, and how beautiful she is.  He also expresses how much he desires her sexually, saying,

How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!

Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.”

May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples and your mouth like the best wine.  (Song of Solomon 7:6-9a)

I don’t know how many people would use this kind of imagery today, but the meaning, I think, is quite clear.

She responds with delight, saying,

May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth.  (9b)

And as she basks in her husband’s love, she sighs,

I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. (10)

But it doesn’t stop there, she suggests they go out together, and the purpose is very clear as she says in verses 12-13,

There I will give you my love.

The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.  (12-13)

Mandrakes were plants that were known for their aphrodisiacal properties.

So she is essentially saying, “Let’s go out and find somewhere new to make love.  I have even stored up some new things, some surprises for us to enjoy together.”

In chapter 8, she continues to show her desire for her husband, saying she wishes that she could be as openly affectionate with her husband in public, as she could with her brother.

She thinks back to her mother, and how her mother taught her about love and marriage, and desires to show her mother how well she learned.

And once again, in verses 2-4 we see the sexual desires she has for her husband, all the while charging those who are single to remain pure until marriage, as she had charged them twice before.

What can we get from this?

Number one, I think it’s important perhaps even more so for the women, to understand how important sex in marriage.

Men are wired to desire sexual intimacy in a very strong way.  If you don’t know, women, let me tell you.  We think about it constantly.

And while wives are often somewhat different from their husbands in their need for sexual intimacy, and some may not feel such a need for it as often, nevertheless, it’s important to make time for it.

To even initiate it as this woman did and come up with ideas for how to enjoy it more.

Why is it so important?  It helps us to bond with each other.

But another major reason is that it’s protection for us, especially the husband.

Paul wrote to married couples,

Do not deprive each other [of sex] except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  (1 Corinthians 7:5)

He also points out,

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.

In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife  (1 Corinthians 7:4)

Or as Solomon’s wife puts it,

My lover is mine and I am his (2:16).

And so in marriage, it’s important to make time for each other.  To make time for sex, certainly.  But also in general, going on dates, and doing things with each other.

How about you?  Are you making time for your spouse?

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Song of Solomon

Wedding Day: God’s intention for marriage

I’ve been married for 8 years now, and I still remember my wedding day very well.  I remember how beautiful my wife looked that day, and to this day, she is still beautiful in my eyes.

In chapter 3, you can see Solomon’s limousine coming to pick her up for the wedding, escorted by all his secret service men (okay, so it was a chariot and soldiers, but you get the idea).

Her eyes light upon Solomon looking stunningly handsome in his wedding garb.

Solomon in turn, is totally infatuated with his new bride, as we see him in chapter 4, saying,

How beautiful you are, my darling!  Oh, how beautiful!  (Song of Solomon 4:1)

He then goes into intimate detail of all the things he likes about her, from her eyes, to her teeth, to her temples, to her lips, to her neck, and down to her breasts.

I can imagine him kissing each part as he whispers these words of love.

And unlike in chapter two, where she bade him to leave until the break of day, now he says to her,

Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense.  (Song of Solomon 4:6)

I don’t think you have to stretch your imagination far to understand what he means by mountain and hill, particularly after looking at verse 5.

At any rate, he and she intend to totally enjoy their first night together.  And Solomon concludes by saying,

All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you  (Song of Solomon 4:7).

This is the language of love, and very erotic.  And it is good.

How often do husbands and wives continue using this kind of language 10 or 20 years into their marriage?

How much better would marriages be if they did?

He calls her to leave behind her home in Lebanon and to be with him forever, saying,

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.

How delightful is your love my sister, my bride!  How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!  (Song of Solomon 4:9-10)

It’s a little weird in our culture to refer to our wives as sisters, but in their culture it was common.  The idea is that she was now part of his family.

And if there’s any thought that French kissing started in France, take a look at verse 11.  Solomon knew well about this type of kissing as well.  🙂

But one thing that Solomon admired about her was that she had saved her body for him and him alone.

Before their wedding day, she had been a locked garden,  a spring enclosed, and a sealed fountain.  Though there was much to enjoy of her in a sexual and passionate relationship, she had preserved herself for marriage.

But now, she opens up her garden to him, giving her whole self, body and soul to him, saying,

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind!  Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad.

Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.  (Song of Solomon 4:16)

After coming together, and as they lie next to each other, Solomon says,

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.

I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.  (Song of Solomon 5:1a)

At this point, someone speaks.

Who?  Some say it’s her friends.

But my guess is it’s God himself.  And he says,

Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers.  (Song of Solomon 5:1b)

That’s what marriage is supposed to be.  Two people loving each other, saving themselves for each other, and enjoying each other in every way.

This is what God blesses.

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Song of Solomon

Keeping ourselves pure

Song of Solomon

We live in a culture where purity is hard to come by.  How many husbands and wives come into their marriages sexually pure?

Everything in our culture seems to fight against it.

TV dramas constantly depict sex before marriage, and outside of it.  Movies do the same.  The internet is full of it, and makes porn even more easily accessible than ever.

More than that, everyone seems to just think it’s natural to sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend.  Or to move in with them before they get married.

But that’s not what God intended when he created sex.  He created it as something good and to be enjoyed, but only within the confines of marriage.

Within marriage, it’s a beautiful thing that helps bind a couple together, not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually as well.

But taken outside of marriage, sex often leads to heartache and pain.

Here in this passage, we see a passionate woman who nonetheless saw the need for purity.  As you look at her words, you see her strong desire for her lover.

We see them on their wedding night here, lying together in intimate embrace.  (Song of Solomon 2:3-7)

She compares her husband to an apple tree, and you can see the security that she feels in their relationship.

She says his embrace is like sitting in the shade protected from the hot sun, and all the while, she tastes of his “fruits.” She then asks him for even more, saying,

Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.  (Song of Solomon 2:5)

But then she issues a warning to the single women of Jerusalem, and to us all.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:  Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  (2:7)

In other words, love and sex are powerful things.  And to arouse these passions before you’re ready is a dangerous thing.  What does it mean to be ready?

To be ready emotionally and mentally.

To be mature enough to be able to make a commitment that lasts a lifetime.

To understand what that kind of commitment truly means.  That it’s not simply the feelings of the moment but goes far beyond it.

So many people don’t understand this, and that’s why the divorce rate is so high.

It’s why so many sexual relationships break up even before marriage is reached, leaving many brokenhearted.

The woman then recalls her own courtship.  How her lover appeared and asked her out on a date.

You see his passion and longing for her in his words.  (2:10-14)

But even he was aware of the traps that could destroy a relationship, saying,

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.  (2:15)

The vineyards in this case is their love relationship.  And there are so many foxes that can ruin a vineyard.

In other words, there are many things that can destroy a relationship, including getting too intimate, too soon.

So even in the midst of their strong passions, she tells him,

Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.  (2:17)

In other words, now is not the time to spend the night together.  Leave now, and I will see you tomorrow.

Even so, in her dreams, she longs for him (3:1-4), and she dreams of searching for him, and of her joy in finding him.

But once again she warns us,

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:  Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  (3:5)

Sex is beautiful.  It was meant to be so.  And by enjoying it as God intended it has tremendous power for good in a relationship.

But by taking it outside of what God intended, it has power that’s equally destructive, to your relationships, and to you.

How about you?  Are you keeping yourself pure?

Categories
Proverbs

To be a man

Being a man

I suppose I could have called this post, “to be a king,” but I don’t think too many kings are reading this blog.  Maybe zero?

But there are many men out there, and what King Lemuel’s  mother said to him in this passage applies in many ways to men.  (In case you’re wondering, no one really knows who Lemuel is.)

This world sometimes has a warped idea of what a man should be. 

To many people, a “real man” is someone who is strong and virile, and is good with the ladies.  Even in ancient times, you see this kind of thinking, especially among the kings. 

King Solomon, of course, took this to an extreme, taking on 700 wives and 300 concubines.

But Lemuel’s mother told him,

O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.  (Proverbs 31:2-3)

This is not to say that all women are bad.  Indeed, in just a few verses, Lemuel’s mother tells him just the kind of woman he ought to pursue. 

What she is saying is to not make sex the whole of your world.  To make having sex as often and with as many people as possible your life’s pursuit.

For one, it can ruin your health, particularly if you sleep with the wrong woman. 

AIDS is still a very big issue, but so are a number of other STDs. 

Further, if you pursue someone who is already married, you could also have a jealous husband to deal with, as Solomon pointed out in an earlier proverb.  (Proverbs 6:34-35)

But more than that, it can affect your relationship with God, who is to be your first love.  Solomon learned this to his own ruin.  It says of him in 1 Kings,

As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been…

The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him. (1 Kings 11:4, 9)

A true man does not pursue women first and foremost.  He pursues God.  And this Solomon failed to do.

Lemuel’s mother also told him,

It is not for kings, O Lemuel — not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what the law decrees, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.  (4-5)

In other words, a king has responsibilities to the people under him.  And because of that he needs to be sober in order to make sure he can fulfill the duties God has given him.

The same is true with any man.  Whether it’s at work, at home, at church, or wherever it may be, we are not to let alcohol control us. 

When we do, it causes us to forget all the things God has called us to do, and brings us to ruin.  And God will call us to account if we do so.

So the apostle Paul tells us,

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.  (Ephesians 5:18)

In other words, don’t be controlled by alcohol.  Let your life be controlled and guided by God’s Spirit.

So in short, what is a real man?

A real man is one who pursues God above all else.  And a real man is a person who is controlled and guided by God’s Spirit in all he does.

If you are a man reading this, are you a real man?

If you are a single woman reading this, are you pursuing a real man?

Categories
Proverbs

What we pursue

In this chapter, we see warnings concerning what we pursue in life.

Solomon starts by saying,

When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. 

Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.  (Proverbs 23:1-3)

In other words, be careful of seeking only material satisfaction, in this case, food.

Solomon notes that when you eat with a ruler, or any person of power or influence, to be very aware of what they are serving, and equally importantly, who they are. 

Consider why they have invited you to dine with them.  If you don’t, they may deceive you into agreeing to something that could lead you to disaster, simply by wining and dining you. 

People who are only concerned with their stomachs are often easily deceived.

Even if they are not, gluttony can destroy their lives.  How many people do you know suffer from health problems because of what and how much they eat? 

So Solomon warns,

Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.  (20-21)

Solomon also notes in these verses the dangers of alcohol. 

He goes into great detail about the consequences of alcoholism and drunkenness at the end of the chapter. 

Alcoholics find sorrow and strife in their lives (29). 

They suffer physically, and their minds become confused (32-33). 

Worse, they become so addicted, they can’t see all the damage that’s being done to their lives.  They only think about the next drink.  (35)

Other people pursue wealth.  All they think about is getting more money. 

But Solomon writes,

Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. 

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.  (4-5)

In other words, wealth is a temporary thing.  When you die, you can’t bring any of it to heaven.  Worse, as Paul says,

People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.  (1 Timothy 6:9-10)

Money in itself is not evil.  But so many people, in their pursuit of money, have shipwrecked their marriages, their families, their relationships, and even their very lives. 

But even more importantly, as Paul points out, many have shipwrecked their own faith.

Still other people pursue sexual pleasure.  Sex as God designed it, namely, as something to be enjoyed within marriage, is a good thing.  But so many people pursue it outside of marriage to their own sorrow. 

Solomon warns,

A prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well. 

Like a bandit she lies in wait, and multiplies the unfaithful among men.  (27-28)

How many people’s, health, marriages, and ministries have been ruined because they took something good and turned it into something bad by pursuing it the wrong way?

So how should we live?  Solomon tells us.

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. 

There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.  (17-18)

In short, don’t pursue what the world pursues.  Don’t desire what the world seeks.  Rather, pursue God. 

If we do, Solomon promises that we will have hope for the future.  And that hope will never be cut off.

Categories
Proverbs

Delighting in your wife (and husband)

This is one of several long passages warning against adultery in the book of Proverbs.

In this world, people have lost sight of what marriage is about, and largely because of that, what sex is all about.

Marriage is about two people learning to delight in each other to the point that they become one.  Not just sexually, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

And when two people can achieve that true oneness, there is no other human relationship like it in the world.  You have two people that know each other in every way, and yet totally accept one another.

I read a shirt recently (one of the few in Japan that actually made any sense), and it said that “Love is blind.”

I don’t believe that is true.  True love sees everything, and loves anyway.  It sees everything, and still takes delight in the other person.

And when husband and wife have that kind of relationship, there is an exhilaration in knowing you are completely loved and accepted.

You aren’t constantly being judged, or compared to others.  You are accepted for who you are.

Not only that, despite all your failures and weaknesses, you know that your partner delights in you and in being with you.

But what is an adulterous woman or man like?  There can be no such relationship.

If you know they were unfaithful to their partner in sleeping with you, there’s got to be at least a seed of suspicion that they could be unfaithful to you.

If they are comparing their partner unfavorably to you, what will happen when they find another lover and start comparing them to you?

Even the adulterous person has no idea where their “love” will take them because they’re just unthinkingly going wherever it leads them.  And they have no idea just how warped the path they’re taking is.

As Solomon wrote,

She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.  (Proverbs 5:6)

As a result, you can never have any kind of long-term relationship with an adulterous person.

It may start out “delightful,” but always ends leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

Solomon put it this way,

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.  (Proverbs 5:3-5)

Following the way of adultery can lead to eternal death apart from Christ.

Solomon warns us at the end of the chapter that God is watching us and that he will judge us for our sin, namely (in this passage), for adultery.

But adultery can even lead to physical death.  At the hands of a jealous husband or wife.  Or as a result of AIDs or other STDs.

Even if it doesn’t go that far, how many people have been ruined financially because of adultery and the divorce that resulted?

And how many people have gone to that other woman or man, only to find that that person only sought to use them for their body or for their wealth?

So Solomon tells us,

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?  Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.  (Proverbs 5:15-19)

In other words don’t spend all your time and energy (sexual or otherwise) on relationships that can have no happy end.

Instead, delight in your wife.  Delight in your husband.  Be captivated by their love.  Learn to love them as God does.  And learn to be loved by them as God loves you.

That’s the only way you can find true marital and sexual satisfaction.